Fortune Cookies And My Misfortune

I just opened three fortune cookies. Let's see what they say...

"A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains"

"You have an unusual equipment for success. Use it properly."

"You constantly struggle for self-improvement."

I have no idea what you're trying to tell me, Aristotle.


Let's look at each one individually first:

"A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains"

First off, I disagree. A bushel of brains seems like it would be vastly more important. Let's say, for the sake of argument, we're trapped in the ruins of an ancient temple (like Indiana Jones! or some other really cool movie set) and the walls are closing in on all sides... spikes are coming out of the ground and all that shit. Would you rather trust your fate to a bushel of brains? Or hope that a handful of patience will see you through?

That's what I thought. So fortune #1 is out.

"You have an unusual equipment for success. Use it properly."

Did Plato just tell me to use my dick to further myself in life?! I kinda like this one, but it's a little vague. Do I fuck my way into political office? Porn? Prostitute myself? That's assuming the fortune does in fact refer to my fortitude and not my bushels of brains...

On to the last one:

"You constantly struggle for self-improvement."

No fucking shit! If I wasn't struggling, I wouldn't be reading a goddamn fortune cookie for advice! I'm just gonna say Socrates here is useless and move on.

Now I'm left with 1/3 the fortune I started with. If there's a meaning to that I don't wanna know what it is. I've got a feeling it has something to do with me fucking rich old widows, postmenopause, to pay the rent... FUCK!