Roanoke Tea Party Sets Ridiculous Guidelines

Happy Tea Party Day!! That wonderful day of the year when astroturf organizers like Freedomworks and the diabolical masterminds at Fox News convince millions of angry old white folk (mostly men) that the Obama Administration is going to destroy the world. *Footnote 1*

The Roanoke Times has an interesting post from one of their opinion bloggers (Found here) of the "do's and don'ts list" the Roanoke Tea Party sent out to attendees. You can read the linked blog for the list.

This list is just silly. Setting aside the fact that it's sad they have to ask people not to be racist in public, blaming it all on "secret liberal agents" is just passing the blame and effectively does nothing to change the racist mindset that's REALLY responsible for that behavior.

Why would a liberal go out and put a picture of themselves holding up a racist sign online for the world to see and think they're racist? I missing the part where that makes their life better.

And would it kill them to spell check before they write their colorful signs? Instead of just blaming Liberals (like they always do), take five fucking minutes to type out "Socialism sucks!! We want our white America back!!1!" in Word Processor or something! You can trust the computers, Tea-Baggers. Al Gore didn't really invent the internets. That was just another socialist lie! *Footnote 2*

I used to play basketball a lot when I was younger and you could always tell who you didn't want on your team when they started making excuses before they even got on the court. You know, stuff like:

• Man! My back has been killin' me all day!
• Dude, I'm hungover like a mother fucker!
• Hold on a minute, I've gotta put this brace on my knee
• I'm not gonna run too hard cause I've gotta go to work later.

Which is Bullshit for "I suck".

That's what these tea party organizers are doing. They're making excuses beforehand so when it inevitably happens they can say "Oh that wasn't us, it was Librul spies!"

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go make preparations to infiltrate a tea party!



*Footnote 1* Actual footage from one of the first of hopefully many of Obama's Death Panels.

*Footnote 2* The rally to protest the systematic takeover of the government by Socialists is ironically being held in a public park.

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Good Weather

In this post on Monday I talked about the bad weather. Go read it it's funny. Back yet? Good because this is a follow-up to that little rant.

In that post I demanded that the weather warm up to at least 80 degrees before the end of this week. Well I must be one ferocious mother f*cker because with a whole two days left in the week the temperature topped out at 79 degrees today! (79 is close enuogh... for now) It was a nice day and I spent most of it outside thinking about what to write on my new sports blog.

For my next trick, I'm thinking about demanding that a ton of money either grow on a tree or fall out of the sky... I'll keep you posted.

Thank you and goodnight!

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Bad Weather

In case you didn't know, I live in Roanoke Virginia. It's April 14 today and it's 47 degrees outside! It's f*cking cold! I hate cold weather. I love summer. I love sitting outside listening to ESPN radio when it's 90 degrees out. I hate cold weather.

So I'm demanding that the cold weather stop immediately! This is not debatable. Cold weather sucks and nobody likes it. Do you hear me cold weather? Nobody likes you! Get the f*ck out! I demand that the temperature rise to at least 80 degrees before the end of this week.

That's all. Thank you and goodnight.

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